Eve

Happy Christmas. It's New years eve and I've had a nice break over Christmas in which to formulate my resolutions for 2009. Of course, getting to Portland is high on the list. But I've also promised myself that whenever anyone suggests playing my songs then I will. I haven't got time for this false modesty any more! My girlfriend asked/told me to perform three songs for her at home as if it was at an open mic night. This is just the kind of encouragement I need (thanks Helen). I got nervous even in front of her but I still managed to sing the songs all the way through.

So with this pre-New years eve resolution in mind, I played 'Junior Architect' in front of my family at Christmas. It was a bit of a sad song to play for Christmas - especially as there were two children there (my nieces) - but I was asked and so I did it. My Dad, in his typical Black-country way, said "That's a bit self-deprecating isn't it?". But still, I did it and I didn't get too nervous. I just wanted to show off a bit. I think it's partly to prove that I'm not one of them any more - by showing that there's more to my life than what's on telly. None of my family learnt an instrument. All my brother had to talk about over Christmas was what TV he was going to buy in the sales.

Anyway, to start off 2009, I've been asked to do a gig in Hastings at the Rooms. I'll be playing guitar with Annie but I'm hoping to do some of my songs to start off the night with. It'll be with my friends Adam and Jayne playing the main slot. Can't wait!

Happy new year!

Jumping

I went to see I'm From Barcelona last night. They were amazing! It was a cross between a rock gig, a rave and a kiddies party. Their frontman was unbelievable... jumping around, getting the crowd going, running around the stage, climbing on the monitor speakers. I was willing him to do it and he eventually did... he stage dived. I've never seen anyone do that before. Fantastic!

Again, it just proves to me what different things music can be. Music doesn't have to be all po-faced and quiet, or cool and up its own arse. It can be just pure elation.

Two

For God's sake! No Sharp Objects are at number two in the Latest Magazine music chart. Who the hell listens to this crap!

Hooks

I showcased my new song, Junior Architect to my songwriting class on Friday. Here's what the tutor, Heidi Berry, wrote:

Simon gave a strong performance on guitar and vocals of a song based on ‘back to the drawing board’. This used a wide variety of imagery (e.g. the architects and his plans) and the group felt this was a strong song. I suggested playing some open mic nights to gain confidence in performing live.

She also asked me if she could have a recording of it!

I was so nervous when I was playing it! I managed to keep my voice under control, even though I could hear it wobbling and I was running out of breath very easily. But my guitar playing was awful! It felt like I had hooks for hands. I think my tutor's suggestion of playing open mic nights is a good one.

Only thing is there's a film festival on in Brighton at the moment so I'm too busy to be doing much else. (Excuses!)

List

I'm coming to realise I've got quite a lot to do. Here's my online to-do list:

• Write several more songs
  
• Record songs (Jayne and Adam at Blue Eyed Sounds should be doing this with me - hooray!)
• Design artwork for CD cover and label
• Duplicate 50 CDs with printed label
• Print artwork on to gorgeous Arigato Paks (maybe do it myself at BIP)
  
• Design/produce and print CD inlay (I want it to be a nice product)
  
• Do a week of open mic nights
• Get some singing lessons from Annie
  
• Finish my songwriting class
• Album launch/Portland warm-up gig
  
• Buy plane ticket to Portland
• Find accommodation in Portland
• Find excursions around Oregon
• Find gigs to play in Portland
• Find people to come to gigs

I'm sure each one of these could be broken down further too but at least it's a start.

Week

I've come up with a side-project that will help me in my goal of getting to Portland. I'm going to do a whole week of open mic nights. Sunday to Friday (I try to avoid Brighton on Saturday nights). There are so many open mics in Brighton that I'm sure it would be possible to do two every night of the week. Especially seeing as Brighton has reputedly got a pub for every day of the year.

I went to an open mic night at The Brunswick last night and played guitar with Annie Whittingham. It was a really nice place to play.

Here's my list of Brighton open mic nights that I'll update until I fill all the days:

Sunday: The Globe (though you have to register online to do this one)
Monday: The Roundhill (pub at the end of my street)
Tuesday: The Brunswick
Wednesday:
Thursday: The Druids
Friday:

Toy

I've written a new song! I'm quite chuffed with it actually. I finished it last night, did a quick recording and then had it going round in my head all night - which, I think, is a good sign.

I quite like the recording (it's on my MySpace). It's very rough and I get a lot of it wrong but you can hear my girlfriend getting ready for bed in the background and it's a nice record of about the second time I played it all the way through.

It's called Junior Architect and I got the idea from the songwriting class that I'm going to. We had to think of an everyday saying that is a metaphor, then write a letter to someone using imagery from that metaphor without using the actual words it. It had to be about a relationship and it had to be in the first person. We were asked to write it in a verse/chorus structure and to write at least 2 verses. Quite a specific brief, but I found it's actually easier to have something to work to like this.

What I found most useful was writing lots in the letter before I started to write the actual song. I wrote pages and pages of thoughts and phrases, sometimes repeating sentences - just writing them out again - before song lines started to pop out. I'll definitely use this technique again.

I used the metaphor "back to the drawing board" as it made me think of a lowly architect, working away, getting things wrong and always having his plans rejected. I thought there were some good meanings to be gleaned from that.

I still managed to torture myself over the writing of this song though. The day before yesterday I was trying really hard to write the song and it just wouldn't come and everything I wrote sounded contrived and meaningless and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it and I went to bed in a foul mood.

But last night I just calmly sat down with my guitar and my notes and wrote it.

I feel very pleased to have written something I'm happy with again. It's like having a new toy. I was excited all night to go and listen to it again.

Now I just need to keep this momentum up!

Appreciation

I went to a house-gig in Brighton last night. My friend, Sharon Lewis, was playing. She was amazing as always, but what really made her something special last night was that another friend, Anjuli, was singing backing vocals with her. They sounded great together but, no offence to Sharon, I was just waiting for Anjuli's vocals in every song they did together. It just gave it that soulful edge without overpowering Sharon's beautiful voice. I was really wowed.

I want to see more music like this in settings like this. It was great sitting in someone's front room listening to great music. Everyone was quiet and paid full attention to the singers. I think that's all I want from an audience, a bit of attention and appreciation.

I met a singer last night who I instantly didn't like. I'd seen videos of him on YouTube before then and knew I wasn't going to like him. He sat next to me and I didn't like him. He sang and I didn't like him. He called me Si when I'd introduced myself as Simon which made me like him even less. And finally he said "Is it different weather up there, Si?", in a cheap jibe about my height (I'm 6 foot 7) which pretty much put the final nail in the coffin.

I thought I never had a problem about whether people called me Si or Simon. But I realised it's my oldest friends and family and people who are really close to me who abbreviate my name to Si. It feels like a liberty when people use Si when they don't know me. Especially when they're middle class, jumped up, public school boy, Damien Rice wannabes.

Stadium

I agree with Stephen Merchant's Stadium Test regarding band names. His theory is that to test whether a band name will work or not you announce it in the style of a rock stadium announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, please, welcome to the stage, LED ZEPPELIN!!!". It works, it sounds like a great band before they come on stage. Another example: "Ladies and gentlemen, please, welcome to the stage, U2!!!".

Okay, now let's try it with the band I saw last night: "Ladies and gentlemen, please, welcome to the stage:

NO SHARP OBJECTS!!!"

USP

I played guitar and bass with Annie Whittingham last night. (Or Amy Whittingham as it said on the poster. Or Annie Whittington as the host announced us.) The gig didn't go too well in my opinion. We sounded awful on stage, I'm just hoping it sounded a bit better in the audience.

But I did get something out of it, because, while I was listening to the other bands it made me think about what kind of an artist I might be. There was one guy who'd obviously been to Brighton Institute of Modern Music. He had a very trained voice. Robbie Williams clone. I'm not having a go because he was good, but I realised that I can't compete with singing like that. I don't want to. But that doesn't mean that my music's no good.

I think my Unique Selling Point, paarticularly when I listen to my song The Lepidopterist, is my unique songwriting. That's the one song that I'm really proud of. I think it's very me in that it tries to use big words to explain something that could be said much easier and it captures some really specific moments in previous relationships that I probably would have forgotten about otherwise.

And I think this is what I should focus on. There's no point me doing vocal gymnastics on stage because it would sound awful and it's not me and I'm setting myself up to fail. But if I can write some heartfelt, unique, quirky little songs like The Lepidopterist then I can go on stage with something I'm proud of.

Honest

I want this blog to be an honest account of my mission to get to Portland. It would be all too easy to make it into a fluffy diatribe about 'submitting a wish list of ambitions to the cosmos'. But I'm not Noel Edmonds and I'm not Dave Gorman out on some nerdish whim. So, in order to be frank, I have to mention days like today...

I don't give a shit about getting to Portland! I've just had a massive tax bill posted by the accountants who also posted a massive bill for their services in sending me a massive tax bill; I was out at a gig last night and I was pretty much the oldest person in there; the performer I saw there (Johnny Flynn) was much younger and much better looking and much more talented than me; my dog's taken up barking when I'm not there so I've been made a prisoner to her... and, I'm just in a bad mood.

Extraordinarily

Well that happened extraordinarily quickly... Gerry from Oregon has kindly offered to let me play at one of his gigs next summer! Let me tell you: by the sound of his music, I'm honoured!

Real

Ha ha! This is great... I left a quick message on the Portland CraigsList, (the US version of GumTree) about my Portland mission and I've had responses already! Thanks for getting in touch guys, I appreciate it.

I also told my girlfriend about my plans last night and she was totally cool about me wanting to leave for the US for a couple of weeks. A bit too cool actually... she said I should go for as long as I like!

This is starting to feel more real now. I'm very excited, but I have this nagging, underlying feeling... It's all very well day dreaming about being on stage in Portland but I still haven't written that many songs. And I'm still a quite rubbish singer and performer. I had a go at singing some of my old songs last night and I managed about one of them all the way through. But I suppose it's just a reminder that I've still got a lot to do before I get to perform in Portland.

I'm going to songwriting class on Friday nights and we're going to be set our first songwriting homework at the next lesson. Maybe I'll come up with something I'm happy with after that.

What has been proved to me again and again is that the more you do something the better you get, so I shouldn't expect so much from my first songs. I should just keep writing them and I'll hopefully get better at writing them, singing them, playing them and performing them.

Booming

I was rehearsing with Annie Whittingham last night as we've got a gig next week. I've started doing some singing with her so next Thursday will be the first gig I sing backing vocals at. I thought I sounded alright last night, but God knows what I'm going to sound like when I have to sing down a microphone. I'm dreading the soundcheck where I'll have to hear my booming voice isolated in a rowdy pub.

Caravan

That's funny... the same day that I decide I'm going to set myself this challenge of gigging in Portland my Mom phoned and said that her and my Dad are going to try and find a static caravan to buy as a holiday home.

The same as me, my Mom thought, well, why not. This is so unlike my Mom. But then – I've never heard her so excited on the phone.

I too feel excited about my plans. This is the third post I've written today – that's how excited I am! It's an excitement I've been craving for a while. I've been lost in my head all day, thinking about this Portland gig actually happening. Thinking about how I could do it; what I need to do to get there; what people I can email so I can meet up with some musicians over there.

Now, when I say musicians, I'm still not sure if I apply in this category. I've played in a few bands now and I know my Delorean mode (no, that's a car isn't it? It's lydian isn't it?) but I still think musicians are the ones who sit very upright and have sheet music in front of them. I should make it clear, I'm under no pretences and I'm not being modest: my music is very amateur. My singing voice is very limited and often strays out of my control on a whim. I've written about eight songs in my life, about two of which I'm truly happy with. I'm not a regular gigging musician and I find the whole gigging experience extremely nerve-wracking. I'm still very much a beginner.

But I suppose I just see these as things I need to overcome if I'm to acheive my dream. It's like an argument with myself. I've always been a stubborn sod and if someone tells me to do something I won't do it on principle. But in this case it's me telling myself I can't do something and me stubbornly refusing to do as I say.

Arigato

I know this is a kind of backwards way of doing things but I've just ordered some CD packaging. You would have thought it would be better to write and record some songs first.

I've ordered 50 Arigato Paks from Portland-based Stumptown Printers. I found Stumptown when I got the Blankets soundtrack by Tracker, another Portland outfit. I don't want to bang on about the Portland connections, but this soundtrack was for the beautiful comic novel Blankets, by Portland-based Craig Thompson.

The Arigato Paks are gorgeous, self-assembly CD packs made of thick, recycled card. There's a window at the front so that you can insert your own artwork on a slip of paper. I went to a Laura Gibson (Portland-based singer/songwriter) gig in Brighton and she was selling a little EP of covers that she'd done, called Six White Horses, sold in these Arigato Paks.

Anyway, my idea is that I'll write and record a CD of songs to put in these packs. It feels like the right thing to do to buy Portland packaging. Not least because the packaging looks and feels so God-damn good!

Maybe I should do the whole thing backwards... I could finish this blog first, then perform the gig, fly to Portland, record the songs and finally write them.

Why

Oh no, I've started yet another blog! Another site to maintain, more comments to check, more junkmail to get rid of. So why bother?

I've had a dream for a long time. It's one of my very specific ambitions that I have from time to time. It's to visit Portland, Oregon.

Why Portland, Oregon? I first heard about this place when I downloaded The Decemberists song "Red Right Ankle" after hearing about it on a random blog and finding out that they were from Portland. Further research led me to Hush Records and their catalogue. I've been mildly obsessed with Portland ever since as I imagine it to be a place that sweats musicians from the cracks in its pavements.

Since hearing that Decemberists song I've got heavily into music – joining bands; writing and recording my own songs; playing in a carnival band; playing bass... I love it.

So, today, I've decided... I'm not only going to go to Portland, Oregon. I'm going to perform a small gig there. There I've said it.

Now that I've said it I want this blog to be my account of how I go about doing it. I'm not a great musician by any standards... I'm actually a self-employed graphic designer from Brighton, UK. I don't believe in manifest destiny or anything like that. I think I just thrive on having obscure ambitions and this is one that I don't want to let go.